Hey-yo its my Burstday

Dear Reader,

Put on your reading glasses (that reminder's for you mom) cuz today we are taking a trip down memory lane! A lane of memories surrounding my birthday.

Okay, so I was born on this day (May 27th) and it twas a Friday (ha, like today!) and I don't remember much, considering I was born at a very early age. My parents called me Bethany, which is good because that's what all my friends call me (D-Money reference right there). I don't remember many subsequent birthdays, but I do remember one where I had a lot of my little pals over and we danced to that Conga song. I remember my Aunt Mary was there and I also remember being a jerk to my best buddy Victor. Sorry Victor, I'm pretty sure I was a jerk to you a lot. I wasn't the most thoughtful kid.

On my eighth birthday I got cats. Not the Broadway musical, but two real live felines! I was quite pumped about that. I named one Pumpkin and Luke named the other Tiger, but they ended up receiving nicknames because that's just the way we roll in the Johnson household. Tiger's nickname was Nutche and Pumpkin was Boobajottie--yea it's weird, but so am I. Pumpkin was an asthmatic cat who got quite large--up to 25 lbs I believe, which is the equivalent of a human weighing about 300 lbs. Tiger was super chill. One time I "accidentally" pushed him in the bathtub! Sorry Nutche, I was a jerk to you. Sadly, neither one of these cats are alive--probably. Maybe Tiger just couldn't take us and that's why he disappeared. Or maybe an owl got him. I like the owl idea.

Pretty sure that was my last memorable Michigan birthday. The rest of my birthdays happened in Minnesota. Tragically, the teachers of Esko didn't crown us with the glorious paper birthday crown, so I had to leave that one behind. Oh, I take back the MN b-day comment because my birthday at the end of fourth grade was celebrated in Georgia. We went to visit my grandparents down there. I remember staying a night at their place and my Grandma Lucy snored like there was no tomorrow. I was a little worried at times that there would be no tomorrow for her, because she would be really quiet for an eerily long time and then BOOM! She would snore like a chainsaw ravaging the rain forests of the world. It was intense. I also remember receiving a Barbie doll from Grandma and Grandpa Johnson. I think it was supposed to be from Ghana, but somehow I ended up deciding that was the doll's name, but somehow it became Gwanza. She was a fun addition to the Barbie collection. She added a little ethnicity to the otherwise blonde haired blue eyed Barbie population. Unfortunately Gwanza had to play the lady who thought she was Oprah when I played Mental Hospital Barbies. Sorry Gwanza, for being a jerk...

My b-day at the end of fifth grade was a tad memorable. I think I brought our dog, Scamper, to class that afternoon. I also think I was in a fight with my friend Leah at the time. Ironically the fight began because she didn't want to play dogs with me and my other friend Erin. Looking back, I realized that was a silly reason to fight. Sorry for being a jerk Leah. Is any one seeing a trend here?

Okay, I think I broke the jerk trend. Maybe. Let's see, other memorable B-days... there was the birthday that I got a punching bag (maybe to help me not be such a jerk?). Bah I can't think of anything else.


Now I will speak of the present. Today is indeed my birthday and thus far it has been wonderfulous and beautifulous Americas. No, it truly has been great. I worked last night until 12:07 am, so I've already been at work on my b-day, and I have to go back again at 5 pm. No biggie, I've had a good time in between. And I just thought I'd share with my readers The most epic birthday salutation I have ever received. Happy day of my birth to you!